


Save Yourself Or Don't Save Anyone At All

by GalekhXigisi



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Adrien Agreste Knows, Adrien Agreste Needs Help, Bad Parent Gabriel Agreste, Bruises, Canonical Character Death, Child Abuse, F/M, Identity Reveal, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, No Beta, Oblivious Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Protect Adrien Agreste, Trans Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, We Die Like Men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 08:24:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19147219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GalekhXigisi/pseuds/GalekhXigisi
Summary: Adrien finds the Black Cat miraculous as a child and slowly watches his life fall to bits. One particular akuma rips every forged bond away without remorse.





	Save Yourself Or Don't Save Anyone At All

Adrien sighs as he runs his hands over his chest. He was just five years old when he first found the ring, slipping it on. 

 

_ At first, it had fit loosely, slipping around thin fingers before suddenly tightening up, flashing bright green. The metal turned black, green decorating the sudden paw-like sketch on it. He didn’t ever think his parents would leave anything uselessly laying around, but he had found the ring and the adults didn’t seem to be stressed out in the least about it.  _

 

_ He watches the way the little black creature seems to appear, eyes wide and the being cat-like, strutting around with grace. The creature immediately curls up to the child, calm and somewhat amazed with the being suddenly standing in front of him, radiating a chaotic energy that Adrien isn’t sure how to take.  _

 

_ “Another user so early on,” the mini-beast asks, brow raising as the quiet purr radiates from them. “Well, you seem young, moldable. Tikki would probably kill me if she knew I taught a child anything, but that’s alright. I’m Plagg.” He offers a paw, smiling a Cheshire grin at the lid currently staring at him with wide eyes.  _

 

_ “Adrienette.”  _

 

_ Plagg raises his brow even higher. “Something tells me that you’re more of an Adrien/ Can I call you Adrien?”  _

 

_ “Is it like a nickname,” Adrien asks in return, his own brow raised as he squats to examine the cat.  _

 

_ Plagg shrugs. “Sort of. I guess so, kid. Yeah.”  _

 

_ The child looks at the cat with stars in his eyes, bumbling out, “I like it! Only Chlo ever gives me nicknames! She calls me Adi.” He abbreviates his friends' name, smiling widely. “I usually call her Honey Bee. Because she’s always got on yellow and stuff. She’s super cool and her mommy likes my dad a lot!”  _

 

_ The feline shrugs it off. “Okay, kid, you want the formal introduction or do you just want to learn this shit as we go?”  _

 

_ “Shit,” Adrien repeats, frowning. “One of the photographers said that. Mommy said I shouldn’t say it, though.”  _

 

_ “Then why did you jsut repeat me?”  _

 

_ “Because you seem cool. I wanna be like you.”  _

 

_ THe kwami sighs softly, flopping down to the ground and stretching. “Alright. Well, you know my name and all. I like camembert cheese. If you say,  _ ‘Plagg, claws out,’ _ I can turn you into a superhero.”  _

 

_ “Can I do this now?”  _

 

_ “Go for it,” the kwami shrugs.  _

 

That had been years ago. Now, he stares at the mirror. He hadn’t exactly seen the potential to this until he stood here now, rubbing at his eyes. He didn’t want Ladybug to be suspicious when he first started out as a user. He constantly used the excise that he was about to transform back, but, after using his miraculous for so long, it stopped mattering so much. He’s just fourteen years old and his entire life is in shambles. He doesn’t comment as he watches Ladybug eye him from her place behind him, brows furrowed and eyes scanning over him. 

 

“Go ahead,”  _ Truth Teller _ speaks from where she’s hidden in their damned hall of mirrors. “Tell her the truth, Chat Noir. Three truths will get you out of this Hellscape and you know it.” 

 

“What are you specifically looking for,” Adrien asks the akumatized news anchor, one seeking revenge for false allegations against her. “THere’s so much I’ve lied about and kept secret…” 

 

“Well,” she muses, voice low and cold, “You  _ could _ tell her your identity. THat could get a secret out of the way right then and there, you know? Under the mask seems to be everyone's favorite theme, but I’m not looking for that. I don’t want your miraculousi. Hawkmoth does, sure, but I just want everyone to let the truth flow.” 

 

“Okay,” Adrien whispers out, voice shaking as he closes his eyes, wiping the tears. Why was he crying in the first place? 

 

“Chat, you don’t have to-” 

 

The other hero shakes his head, turning around to scoop her hands up in his own. “I’m going to tell you a few things. Not my identity, not  _ yet, _ because I know you don’t want it, but you’re going to hear some things about me that I’m sure no one else knows, no one other than Plagg.” 

 

“Plagg?” she echoes. 

 

“My kwami.” 

 

“Oh.” 

 

He leans in, gently whispering into her ear, “I’ve had my miraculous since I was a child. Using my powers… It doesn’t make me transform back. It all depends on connections to your kwami and how long you two have been associated. Age doesn’t matter in the least.” 

 

Ladybugs’ brows knit, concern playing at her features. “Master Fu  _ did _ say that the Black Cat miraculous has been lost for years.” 

 

“So has the Butterfly and Peacock… I know the owners of both. My parents, they… THey’re not the ones who stole it, no, but they’re the users.” 

 

She steps back, stumbling away from the hero with a glare. “You  _ know _ who Hawkmoth is,” she bellows at him, anger clear. A few of the mirrors crack, near shattering, but the two silently piece together that it was because of the truth being spoken. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

 

Adrien stands in pained silence. “I know who Mayura is as well, Ladybug,” he supplies, coiling around himself. “I know you already hate me for not telling you, but… After this, after  _ now, _ we can go and get the miraclouses if you’d like. You can kick my ass after, no questions asked.” He bows his head, submissive, as always. 

 

Ladybug recoils at seeing his reaction. He always takes the submissive route, the one that sparks his need for not wanting damage. He doesn’t want to start a fight or be the center of conflict. She silently thinks back to the days he had come to her, cakes in makeup to hide bruises. There had been a few times where he hadn’t and she had seen the horrible damage left. Eyes swollen and black, lips caked, cracked, and still bleeding as he stumbled into her arms. How many hits had the boy taken for her to only just be making the few connections? 

 

“As soon as we’re done, I’ll give you my miraculous, too. Plagg and I, we've talked it out. If you want it after, we’ve both agreed that that’s okay and we’ll give it to you. No questions asked, nothing. Just… It doesn’t matter. You won’t even have to associate with us after.” 

 

Ladybug stares at him, eyes wide and full of hurt. 

 

“All the heroes we’ve pulled in, I know who each and everyone is behind their masks. You, Hawkmoth, Rena, Mayura, the original Le Poan,  _ everyone. _ I think that extends as a truth with the second truth, though.” 

 

The heroine glares. “You  _ knew? _ Since when?” 

 

Her yelling makes him flinch, coiling into himself more. Tears dribble down his cheeks, head ducked as they splat on the floor, head still bowed for the other. “A few months in, actually. I kept asking who you were under the mask, though, because I knew that if I just suddenly stopped, it would seem suspicious, but…” 

 

“Just tell the final truth,”  _ Truth Teller _ speaks through a yawn. “I don’t really enjoy watching people cry. Apparently, Hawkmoth doesn’t really care, though.” 

 

Chat Noir slowly glances at the heroine once more. She looks pale, brows still yet to be unfurrowed and expression trained. He can’t tell if she’s angry or not, but he didn’t exactly want to be on the other side of her yo-yo after this. He knew he was going to get his ass handed to him in an hour or two, though, so that was far from refreshing. 

 

“I love you,” he whispers, quiet and slow. The mirrors around them shatter. “Even if you don’t love me back, that’s okay. I know… I know you said you were a lesbian, and I’m so sorry about this. I’m moving on, I swear. I didn’t... “ The mirrors disappear. 

 

“We’ll talk about this  _ after,” _ Ladybug remarks through gritted teeth, swinging after Truth Teller. 

 

-

 

Chat Noir stands on the roof of the building, stretching slowly. “He’s not… That bad,” Chat Noir supplies. “I don’t support what Hawkmoth is doing, but he’s not… He’s seriously not as bad as the news makes him out to be.” 

 

THe spotted heroine scoffed. “Oh, yeah? Do tell, Chat?” 

 

He reels at her tone. She had never once talked to him like that, so full of  _ hate. _ He sits on the buildings’ edge, looking away from her. “He wants my mom back. The peacock miraculous is broken and it slowly kills the holder. It put my mom in a coma because she wanted the world, but not the world my father willingly provided her.

 

“I had to sit back while she slowly hurt herself and broke my dads’ heart. He’s bitter and cold now. He just wants her back. He can’t see that Mayura has fallen so deeply in love with him that it’s almost comical at this point.” 

 

It wasn’t, but tears are collecting on his cheeks and falling on the ground, just as bitter as his father. He missed her so much that it made him  _ sick. _ He had to watch her progressively kill herself and his father follow in her tracks. 

 

“Mayura, she’s my fathers’ assistant. She watches over me and parents me more than either of my parents have. THey’re both cruel hearted now, bitter with each other. I’m sure my mother would be so angry with us all if she had seen how we’ve become, just falling into this pattern of going through life and all. It’s depressing and I always feel like I’m playing the victim, but-” 

 

“You’ve never once talked about any of this with me,” Ladybug idly comments, “or any others, as far as I’m aware.” 

 

“Yeah… It’s just been Plagg that I’ve talked to. I still feel bad, though.” 

 

“That’s not playing the victim. It’s survivors guilt and a toxic mindset left from abuse, Chat. It’s kind of a really bad defense mechanism.” She inhales, slow and careful. “So, Hawkmoth is supposed to be your dad? Who are you guys, then?ll

 

“You’ll find out when I get his miraculous. I know… I know that outside of the suit, we’re friends. This is going to change us a lot, LB. A really big lot. You’ll… You just need to know one thing.” 

 

“Yeah?” 

 

“I’m trans. Female to male transgender. Who I am under the mask… it’s a completely different person. It was fun, being a hero with you, though. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you when we first started. I didn’t even connect the dots until a month or two ago.” 

 

“Chat-” 

 

The feline heroes’ ears flicker up as he hears the subtle mechanism of a window opening, one that he knew from childhood. “Come on, he’s coming out, now.” 

 

-

 

Chat held the peacock miraculous in one of the many pockets on the suit, snatching away the butterfly miraculous and watching the man beneath him fall from the transformation. Choking sobs leave the young hero, holding tightly onto the charm. 

 

“M’Lady, get her to a hospital,  _ please,” _ he begs, watching with trained eyes as his father stares back at him, knowingly defeated as the two kwamis float around the boys’ head. “I need to talk to him.” 

 

Ladybug skeptically looks at the two, mouth falling into an  _ O _ shape, wide. She can’t see much of the villain beneath her partner, but she can tell that the father and son duo are no longer a  _ duo _ in the least. 

 

The charm slips into his pocket, one that can only be accessed by Chat Noir himself, something he found out long ago when protecting items for Ladybug. The heroine slips out of the window, former villain on her back. 

 

Hawkmoth, no,  _ Gabriel _ frowns up at the hero, the two now alone with each other and the remains of the lair. “What’re you going to do to me,” he asks with a smirk, cocky as can be beneath the facade. Adrien knows better, though.  _ “Kill me? _ Use your  _ Cataclysm?” _

 

“No,” Adrien supplies, calm as can be. “Why would I kill my own father? I know you’ve been shitty, but that doesn’t justify your death. You and mom are both bitter people that got what was coming to them.” 

 

“Your own father,” Gabriel asks, brow raised, confusion clear. “I’m not your father?” 

 

“You held the Black Cat miraculous and lost it when I was young. You excused it as just a flimsy ring. But Mom… She knew so much better than both of us. Besides, a cataclysm isn’t as quick and painless as you think. It’s slow and painful and as intolerable as can be. I should know, you’ve let me get struck by it a time or two.” 

 

“I don’t see how this connects to me being your father,” 

 

“Adriennette Agreste, thirteen, almost fourteen. Youngest in the class, actually. I’ve asked you to call me Adrien far more than once and you always respond the same way, some form of hit that leaves a bruise. You cover it in your brand of makeup. it ‘s the only somewhat good brand, sure, but it’s not the best. Fenti is much better.” 

 

“Adi-” 

 

“And I’ve noticed that neither you or Mom were exactly the best at parenting, either. Mom killed herself trying to find something that made her feel better than what you did to her. You isolated us and then expected up to us learn our place and do as you told us. That’s not how things work anymore.” 

 

Gabriel scoffs. “Where will you be going after? After you lock me up or whatever you plan to do with me?” 

 

“Gorilla, my bodyguard. Did you know his name was actually Ezra? No one told me that.” 

 

-

 

The news shatters with reports of Gabriel Agrestes’ arrest, as well as his assistants’. If they can’t get him as Hawkmoth, they’ll certainly get him for the abuse of his child as well as other accounts of neglect and so on that almost everyone who personally knows him can account for. He is,  _ thankfully, _ given custody to his bodyguard, who is much better than just  _ well off _ to support the boy, not to mention the fact that the blonde has his entire inheritance, including the house itself and fashion line. 

 

Adrien frowns as he stands in front of Tom and Sabine, the two smiling as he asks, “May I please speak to Marinette?” 

 

Sabine smiles. They’ve spoken a few times before, but Adrien looks so much different now, sounds it, too, after a full month and a half of testosterone. He hadn’t been out very much, now back to homeschooling but scheduled to return in just a few days. The woman patiently asks, “May I take a name?” 

 

“Oh, Adrien. I need to get caught up on some schoolwork.” It wasn’t a lie. He had been taking his classes online, just like Lila had, but he needed class notes and Nino had been sick that day, so he went to the next best thing. He patiently smiles at the woman, who calmly leads him up the stairs. 

 

“I haven’t heard her talk about you. Are you new?” 

 

Adrien smiles politely at Sabine. “Not exactly, but I haven’t been to school in a while. THings have been going on and my family is rearranging their lives.” 

 

She nods, voice suddenly interrupting her own thoughts as she stands up on the ladder and wraps her knuckles against the door a time or two. “Marinette, dear, your friend from school is here. He needs some schoolwork.” 

 

“Alright, Mom, just let him in,” she calls, though the two can hear her confusion. She must think it’s Nino because Nino had been the one Adrien had sent the text to tell Marinette he’d be coming over. In the change of it all, he  _ had _ kept her number, but he wanted to know if they were still going to be friends before they did anything out of proportion or he even considered texting her. 

 

The boy slips up the steps, standing to where Marinette had her back turned, focused on the dress she seems to be mending. “Hey, Nino,” she supplies, “I thought I told you that you didn’t have to tell Mom that you were coming up.” 

 

“Actually,” Adrien supplies, voice timid as she jerks around, “I wanted to give you the miraculouses.” He holds them out, hand holding the three charms, kwamis floating around awkwardly. They all have tears in their eyes, looking with wide, worried eyes. Adrien doesn’t comment as Tikki slams into Duusu and Nooroo, Plagg following the pile. “I’m sorry it took so long.” 

 

“Chat-” Her voice is broken, unable to finish her own sentence. 

 

“I go by Adrien now, actually,” he mumbles, head ducked so he can’t see her face. “Everything has been so hectic. With selling the estate and getting everything together…. Sorry, I don’t mean to ramble.” He keeps his hand held out, ignoring the tears that collect in his eyes. He doesn’t want to let go of the three kwamis he had grown so close to, especially the two that were getting over horrid abuse from the other Agrestes like he was. 

 

“I talked with Master Fu,” Marinette speaks, voice quiet as if she were too scared to be too loud. “He wants you to still carry them, but you have to come and visit every three days. I’m sure you’re aware of who he is.” 

 

His head ducks further in a nod, lips pressed together as he muffles down choking sob. All he gets out a horribly painful sounding,  _ “Mhm.” _

 

The three kwamis he affectionately called his own pressed their faces to his cheeks, wiping his tears. Duusu smiles, her tail feathers batting at his nose. “Don’t cry, Adrien, we can all stay together now!” 

 

“I know, Duu, it’s good.” 

 

“I'm sorry,” Marinette whispers, crouching down and opening her arms. “Do you want a hug?” 

 

“Wh-What are you sor-rr-rry for,” he chokes out as he coils around her. 

 

“The last time we saw each other… How I acted was unwarranted. If either of my parents were secretly an evil supervillain, I don’t think I’d tell anyone, either.” 

 

He nods, slow as the tears dribble down. 

 

“I love you, too, Kitty,” she whispers. 

 

He cries even harder in her arms. 

 

-

 

School is hectic, the press wanting to know anything and everything, like who was going to be the next fashion designer. It doesn’t take long for the entire world to know about his transition, or the girlfriend named Marinette that he loves so much. He stands in the center of the storm, wading happily through with his friends, girlfriend, and newly appointed guardian at his side. 

**Author's Note:**

> This is quick and I am so tired. Yeet.  
> If there are any warnings I should add, please tell me! 
> 
> Please comment, too, they help me thrive in these long, painful periods between each episode. 
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> Please join my Discord server!  
> https://discord.gg/eGkwayy
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